Oxford
Street was definitely in the latter category. I’ve already got an outing for
the final Community Chest square planned for the weekend so it was imperative
that we did get Oxford Street out of the way this week, but when I checked the
map there was a cluster of 6 pubs at the Tottenham Court Road end of Oxford
Street which was just far too tempting to ignore. So how to squeeze in a 6 pub
crawl in the middle of the week without rending the older ones in the group
(i.e. everyone but Ed) unfit for work the next day.
The answer
as a particular annoying advert might say was simples. Join Aussie Pete on the
halves!
But even
though it was a mid-week and a last minute organised tour there was still a
healthy number of attendees, including a couple of repeat offenders: Back down
for another bit of London education was Munchkin Steve and also joining on a
repeat appearance was Big-J. We also had the pleasure of New-Guy Micky who hadn’t
been on the tour for a couple of weeks. Apart from that it was just the usual
suspects of people with nothing better to do than follow me around drinking
beer; Aussie Pete, Spiky-Haired Ed & Charlie.
As
previously mentioned, we were going to start at the Tottenham Court Road end of
Oxford Street and then work our way west by way of the pubs that lie south of
Oxford Street, in and around the area of Old Compton Street. Now as any good
sex-tourist knows, this area is renowned for being the centre of the Gay &
Lesbian scene in London as well as having its fair share of sex clubs and bars.
Micky and Pete enjoying the lamps
But careful
not to be deviated too soon, the tour was remaining true to its rules and at
least starting on Oxford Street. Just round the corner from Tottenham Court
Road was the first pub, the aptly named The Tottenham. This Nicholson’s pub is
actually a bit of a gem, with lovely mirrors, lamps and ceilings, there also
seemed to be what appeared to be huge tapestries decorating the walls.
The pub was
also, quite surprisingly, not very full at all. Space was easily found at the bar;
the only downside was that it was right next to the only mad bloke in the pub,
who needed both the barman and Big-J’s help to identify his own drink and his
change which was spread all over the bar. 4 halves of Andwell’s Spring Magic
for Pete, Charlie, Big-J and I and 3 halves of various lagers for the others
were ordered and these along with a very easy scan of the Cask Marque
certificate (hanging just behind the bar) were obtain and finished in what
seemed like an unseemly short amount of time.
The Crown & 2 Chairmen - Ignore the road sign - You can enter
Dodging
across the rush hour traffic to the other side of Oxford Street, we ducked down
Soho Street to Soho Square and then cut through to Dean Street, the location of
the next two pubs. The first was the strangely named Crown and Two Chairman, a
funny looking corner pub that been painted in a very unhealthy looking purple
colour. The feeling inside was slightly reminiscence of the Crown & Sceptre
from last week with a young trendy crowd where coloured hair was very much the
flavour of the evening. Again space at the bar was easy to come by and 4 halves
of a beer called Equinox (about which since I’ve not been able to find any more
information) were ordered for the ale drinkers followed by 3 halves of Veltins pilsner
for the lager imbibers.
Mention
here must be given to the barman who was sporting a most magnificent plaited beard
and shaved and tattooed head which gave the feeling that you were being served
by one of the dwarves from The Hobbit. Rather fearing that any approach for the
location of the certificate might result in him reaching for his handy axe, I
left this part of the evening to Aussie Pete. But alas even with Pete doing his
best Gollum impression (this is a full time job by the way) the poor chap
couldn't locate the thing, even after conferring with colleagues and searching
everywhere from the stock room to the toilets.
Stupid light - Outside the Nellie Dean
So
unfortunately our good run of scanning was at an end, but it was to soon start
again as we made our way back toward Oxford Street and the second pub on Dean
Street, the Nellie Dean of Soho. Again another corner pub but this time painted
a much more jovial and cheerful bright red. It was a cramped little place so it
was rather more of a squeeze to get served but soon the halves of Betty Stoggs were
flowing along with the halves of Becks. As previously alluded to, the
certificate was freely available as it was framed and stood on a window ledge
which meant that we could pick it up and pass it round the scanners amongst us.
Again
though there's not a lot more I can really say, the one effect that drinking halves
were definitely having was the attitude towards our stays in the pub. It felt
like there wasn't any point in taking off your coat before the drink was gone
and it was time to move on.
The Green Man - I've seen better examples.....
Mooching
around the corner we cut through Fareham Street & Hollen Street and
eventually found our way to the Green Man, an M&B pub located on Berwick Street.
Again this pub was half empty but whereas I'd put the lack of crowds in the
others down to slow midweek trade, this time I wonder if the pub was just a bit
crap. Firstly when the complete ale selection is a choice between Fuller's London
Pride and Greene King's IPA you really need to question the pub's attitude to
variety. And the barman completely alienated me by committing that cardinal sin
of serving someone else before men out of turn. Once retired with our drinks we
found a spot by the wide screen TV which was on for no-one's benefit and at
least took an easy scan with the certificate hung by the entrance to the bar.
It was
rather a relief to be drinking just halves in this place because it allowed for
a swift exit just after Charlie and I noticed two of the mealiest portions of
chips being served up ever. So here’s a question for you Mr M&B – How come
you’ve so obviously invested in a huge beer range for places like the Crown
& Sceptre, the Crown & 2 Chairman (just down the road for goodness
sake) and the other Green Man in Fitzrovia but this place is almost a beer
desert? 2/10 could do better – see me!
This is the Coach & Horses - Honest
Again it
was a swift trip around a couple of corners into Poland Street which was where
the final two pubs were located. Firstly there was the Coach and Horses, a
Greene King pub certainly smarter than the Green Man, and whilst they weren't
going to win any prizes for their beer range they at least had something out of
the ordinary on, Greene King's new beer called Jailbird.
The
certificate was once more highly visible hanging on the wall by the bar so
between handfuls of Big-J bought crisps (no Monster Munch unfortunately) the
deed was once more done.
Final stop
of the evening was just over the road at the Kings Arms, a mid terrace pub with
lovely leaded glass windows at the front and a huge gay pride flag waving
proudly above. Now I'm not going to say anything crass about the clientele
inside just suffice it to say that there was an abundance of beards and for a
pub crowd that was 90% male, not a sniff of a testosterone laden threat in the
air. The barman was also the friendliest of the night asking who was on the
halves amongst us when I (with agreement from the others I might add) upgraded
us all to pints for the final visit of the evening. It was Reverend James by
the way.
The King's (definitely not the Queen's) Arms
There was
just time for one final scan, once more the certificate being easily findable
(2 chairman aside we're doing really well on the self-finding and self-scanning
at the moment) before dashing off for a group McDonalds and a rather early
train home.
So we'd
easily done the 6 pubs and by sticking to halves I don't think any of us were
going to wake up with sore heads but I wasn't the only one to feel slightly
uncomfortable drinking half pints. I don't think there's anything macho about
drinking pints and I've never bought into the “X number of pints per night”
measure that some blokes seem to measure their virility with, but there is a
genuine case to be made for the right measure for the right beer. British
bitter at the end of the day is a fairly low alcohol content drink and whilst I
know the days of it being drunk to replenish and replace lost water for manual
workers having just finished a shift down the mine/forge/docks/factory (choose
your favourite) is also over it's still a drink you should be able to take a
hearty slurp from and still feel you've got plenty more in your glass to go
back to. You just don't get that with halves.
Number of
Cask Marque Pubs visited = 165
Half Pint?
= Short Changed!
Home by ½ 9
= Just in time for Derek – Possible the best comedy in a long time.
Next Stop =
Community Chest
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